Tonight we went out to eat with my Dad and Step-mom and on the way home Jack was screaming; he wanted to nurse and go to bed...that or just get out of the car!
When we got home I promptly changed his diaper, and put his pj's on him, he was calm by this point so I let him walk around his room before bedtime. Eventually he wobbled over to me and fell into me; he was ready for bed.
I nursed him but he was restless. Usually he nurses to sleep, or really tired from nursing, or fights it and wants to play. Tonight was the latter. (sigh)
We went to his room and started nursing some more. He continued to sit up and I put him in his crib. I played a little peek-a-boo, kissed him and said goodnight. As I left he screamed. And screamed. I went in to comfort and left again, and he screamed again. I thought I was going to have to nurse him to sleep. I waited 5-10 minutes and went in to find him laying down and getting up but so incredibly sleepy. I picked him up and calmed him and started singing our families favorite song, The World As I Know It by Jason Mraz. Seriously it immediately calms him when he's upset. To my surprise he let me hold him without nursing and fell asleep in my arms.
Sometimes I'm so quick to have him asleep to "carry on with my night" that I forget to cherish the moments.
Then I thought about my grandfather having dinner with his son and all the memories that must flood him.
To him life must seem so short.
Tonight I held him longer and memorized the moment. I prayed to my future self to remember my sweet chubby faced little boy asleep in my arms, asleep from his momma his favorite person singing and comforting him, loving him while he drifted off to dreamland. I prayed I would remember his laughs tonight in the car while being tickled on the palms of his hand and his chunky thighs.
I held my baby boy closer and promised I would love more, love deeper, and spend more time with my family.
Now, I'm so weepy.